Grrrrrrieving

Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote about DEATH AND DYING and her book included the steps associated with grieving. That was 1969. I read it in college during a psychology course or maybe sociology.

I'm entering step 2 today. ANGER: anger over Frieda having to die, more anger at the people who mistreated her so badly she feared her own shadow, even guilty anger at myself for not being able to fix it.

Expect me to write about it on this blog. Look at the title if you doubt for a moment that I wouldn't open up and try to rip those unknown individuals (I hesitate to call them humans)"a new one".

We had six dogs. Some people would say that's too many. But there are two of us and we are retired and we love dogs. All the dogs were adopted/rescued - call it what you will, they all have pasts, usually sad, some bad. Frieda's was both.

You might not think going from six to five would mean much. But it does. Each of them is bonded to the others and to us in lots of ways. One of our dogs had been tied to a tree in the country, her dead puppies and 17 other adult dogs nearby. The property owner lived an hour and a half away and drove by once or twice a week to toss out food. If the chain went far enough to get some of it then a dog was lucky. That's Sally's story. Needless to say she has issues.

We started out fostering Sally. She was adopted by friends but ran away, in the country, and that led to 9 days of searching for her, thru mucky fields. It was Frieda Joy who truly brought her back to safety, walking with me thru mud on that ninth day, making a "scent path" back to the live trap set for her. The next morning there was Sally, waiting. We brought her home. She and Frieda found solace in the life they shared here. Sally sits in Frieda's spots and went to Frieda's feeding spot when Frieda wasn't there Monday night.

I'm angry that Sally had already had much taken from her and now she has lost her best friend. Don't we all know how that feels?

For Sally and the others Frieda Joy was the alpha dog. Just her presence made it clear, even when she was frightened. She was first to the door with a greeting, first to a lap when thunder and lightning started, first to leap into the car when a field trip was in order. She got treats and then everyone else got them. We tried not to over-pamper her, tough as it was, because all the books say it's not good for them. But we spoiled her and protected her.

We just couldn't keep her from the demons she brought with her, the past sewn into her soul, carved on her heart. She covered them bravely with all the love she could muster up but sometimes those bad guys eeked out.

We helped her through those times but this time they beat us. But they didn't get the best of her. That's ours, all ours.

Intersecting Wanderings

Someone on the passenger side of a car in the middle lane at an intersection opened the door and put down a fast food beverage cup just because he/she is a lazy SOB. Is this the root of what is wrong with all of us? We just don't care enough about our own world, or fellow persons? Someone will get paid to pick that up. Is that acceptable thinking in this country?

A good deed was observed today when we were in traffic, headed towards my mom's nursing home. A vehicle either broke down or ran out of gas at another intersection. Two young men popped out of two different vehicles to assist the owner in pushing the vehicle through the intersection so traffic could proceed. YES!

Earlier this week Frieda Joy, one of our dogs, and I went to visit my friend John. He recently moved to a new independent living complex in a Chicago 'burb. We took a route in that had us traveling through my hometown. We didn't go past the house I grew up in but did turn at the intersection where the grade school building is and it is now a community center with lots of senior activities. I could be back in my kindergarten classroom if I lived up there.

Anyway, John loved meeting Frieda and she got past being timid in a strange place filled with all new people. After our visit we went to the nearest major intersection and hopped on the tollway to I-55 and scooted home. I'm not sure I liked that way even though it was faster. There's something about poking along memory lane that adds color to a trip.

Lucky us; I really mean that! Finally the new local bakery is open and we've been there twice this week. That's you-know-who's doing, not mine. I've managed two cups of coffee and 1/2 cran/nut muffin. HE's downed a double-sized piece of apple struedel and an order of biscuits and gravy with his two cups of java. Nonetheless, it is all "from scratch" goodies and we'll be making it another "regular" stop when we do rounds. Today we got a bonus: ran into an old friend we hadn't seen in a year; he'd moved. We got caught up on happenings and know we'll see him again. He went to school with the guy in the family who owns the bakery. Actually they own all four corners of this intersection and have put businesses in two and leased the third to another. It's all in a, well, I want to say, recovering, neighborhood. Good for them - they are part of the solution.

Now, I gotta ask: Is Christmas totally LOST? No carols in stores, lackluster "Happy Holidays" and non-existent "Merry Christmas" exclamations, no acknowledgment of the meaning of Christmas? This year, more than ever, it seems people are focused entirely on retail and the economy and change. The one thing that hasn't changed is why we have a Christmas in the first place. A 42" HD tv along with WWii, an iPod, and who knows what else vs. let's see, a relationship with family, friends and God? Ah, the intersection of Xmas and Christmas...I Believe.

Merry Christmas!
I'll be saying THAT again!