Grrrrrrieving

Elisabeth Kubler Ross wrote about DEATH AND DYING and her book included the steps associated with grieving. That was 1969. I read it in college during a psychology course or maybe sociology.

I'm entering step 2 today. ANGER: anger over Frieda having to die, more anger at the people who mistreated her so badly she feared her own shadow, even guilty anger at myself for not being able to fix it.

Expect me to write about it on this blog. Look at the title if you doubt for a moment that I wouldn't open up and try to rip those unknown individuals (I hesitate to call them humans)"a new one".

We had six dogs. Some people would say that's too many. But there are two of us and we are retired and we love dogs. All the dogs were adopted/rescued - call it what you will, they all have pasts, usually sad, some bad. Frieda's was both.

You might not think going from six to five would mean much. But it does. Each of them is bonded to the others and to us in lots of ways. One of our dogs had been tied to a tree in the country, her dead puppies and 17 other adult dogs nearby. The property owner lived an hour and a half away and drove by once or twice a week to toss out food. If the chain went far enough to get some of it then a dog was lucky. That's Sally's story. Needless to say she has issues.

We started out fostering Sally. She was adopted by friends but ran away, in the country, and that led to 9 days of searching for her, thru mucky fields. It was Frieda Joy who truly brought her back to safety, walking with me thru mud on that ninth day, making a "scent path" back to the live trap set for her. The next morning there was Sally, waiting. We brought her home. She and Frieda found solace in the life they shared here. Sally sits in Frieda's spots and went to Frieda's feeding spot when Frieda wasn't there Monday night.

I'm angry that Sally had already had much taken from her and now she has lost her best friend. Don't we all know how that feels?

For Sally and the others Frieda Joy was the alpha dog. Just her presence made it clear, even when she was frightened. She was first to the door with a greeting, first to a lap when thunder and lightning started, first to leap into the car when a field trip was in order. She got treats and then everyone else got them. We tried not to over-pamper her, tough as it was, because all the books say it's not good for them. But we spoiled her and protected her.

We just couldn't keep her from the demons she brought with her, the past sewn into her soul, carved on her heart. She covered them bravely with all the love she could muster up but sometimes those bad guys eeked out.

We helped her through those times but this time they beat us. But they didn't get the best of her. That's ours, all ours.

One Full Moon, Eight Dogs, and a Strange Cat

4 a.m. is not a great time to get up. Especially true if there's no sound reason to do so, it tends to make one need more make-up and feel hungry at odd hours. I wish we had a turkey to put in the oven and roast.

Nonetheless, here I am. OK, it's 5 a.m. but I have been awake for an hour, composing this in my mind.

There's a full moon and the dogs know it. All 8 of them (ours plus 3 visitors) and their additional personalities. We know there's a good dog/bad dog for each of them. Who else shows up on these full moon nights? I'll tell you. One new strange, stray, long-haired black cat. Lovely. Just what we need - another reason to be territorial.

And, we all know dogs will go back to sleep instantly, as soon as they get what they want, usually kibble, out, and a little attention. Then they lick themselves inappropriately, drop over on your personal space, and start with what gets us every time, "Oh, look how cute! He's dreaming." or "Aren't her little dream whimpers sweet?" Uh-huh.

But I'm up. I did mention that, didn't I? Short of making coffee or taking a dog for a drive to an all-night store to get the abovementioned turkey, there isn't much else to do other than write in the blog. (Sorry, don't take it personally.)

Actually when you read this you should count your blessings that we haven't crossed paths in some other way. If I go out somewhere today I know at least I, and probably others, will write notes to me and pin them to my shirt so that when I get home I can read them aloud to the four-legged culprits. They all start something like this:
Your person was not in the best of form today. Perhaps a nap, providing a little more sleep, would be beneficial. She seems a bit disturbed and grumpy.

Do yourself a favor. If you see a crazed female who needs a makeover, trolling the grocery store as if she has the blind nibblies, and perhaps even talking to herself and wearing her tee shirt inside out, give plenty of room when nearby.

Beware, one full moon, eight dogs, and a strange cat can play with your mind.

Grandpa, How Did You Know?

Long ago and not so far away, my grandparents lived and farmed. Grandpa, whom I never knew, participated in a plan offered by Modern Woodsmen of America. Today is my grandfather's birthday, a fact I didn't know for decades until one day I told my mother that July 9th is my favorite day of the year - something good always happens on July 9th. Along the way he was given a certificate and what appears to have been a huge calendar or print.
Regardless of what this last item started out to be it is dated 1898 and was framed at some point so it now is mounted above our fireplace, with the certifcate affixed to the back of it, keeping like items together, not a common practice in this household!

Today one of our foster dogs, Serena, who lived here from January thru March 2008, came to stay for a few days and it was like "old home week" for her and her then-foster mate, Sally. Sally is ours now. Upon her arrival we made small talk with her owner. I congratulated him on being appointed head basketball coach at one of the private religious high schools nearby - a very competitive rival for other schools. It had to be a plum of an appointment. I indicated I'd read about him in the newspaper and am just now am saying congrats...but I just said "job", nothing specific.

He looked puzzled and asked which job.

I replied "...head coach..."

He announced he'd just taken a new job, two weeks ago and was wondering how it made the paper already! Obviously it had not.

He is involved in opening up an office for Modern Woodsmen of America, back in this area, as they have been gone for a long time.

The world is small in so many ways. In just a few minutes we spanned over 100 years and matched up one person's family history with another person's family future. All this, of course, came about because of a dog.



Happy Birthday, Grandpa. I wish I had known you.

Take A Walk With Me

Today the temperature is going well into the 90's which isn't so bad but the humidity is 100%. So it is time to go for a trip down memory lane which leads to taking a dip in the pool. That's me on the right, mouth open. That happens less and less now, I hope! Those suits are beguiling. What happened to fashion? The yard was my backyard, jungle, library, forest, parade route, theater, swimming hole, campgrounds, and playground.

I had to share it with Grandma who held title to the veggie and flower gardens, see the white picket fence? The cherry trees were hers too, as well as the chicken coop-turned-tool shed which the photographer must be standing in near. It was the cherry tree in the photo background that I used to climb to pick and eat the cherries. I managed to get some for Mom and Grandma to make pies too. I had the kettle I used for cherries, right up till last year.

Oh, and half the yard had been converted to a parking lot, or maybe always was. Pre-Kate era. Grandpa was a mechanic and had a 3 car garage. Grandma rented "tourist rooms" and there was parking for guests. My dad's truck was always parked outside.

One of the tourists was a snappy, young lad, probably 24-28 and he had a car that matched - a zippy, 2 seat red convertible. I was too young to be appreciated by him but I knew what I liked and it was that car! So I just hung around, touching it when he wasn't there. It was an MGB. Now I think Grandma should have taken his car in exchange for a place to live and in time I would have had a slick ride for myself.

Come to think of it, this may have been my first sign of a love for cars. It became an obsession: I used to lay in bed, look out the window, tell myself, "1956 Ford Fairlane", "1960 Chevy BelAir" or whatever was passing by.

So the yard sounds huge and it was then, when I was little. It is, still, in my mind. It was a full day of activity, an adventure-land to visit. Some days there was laundry hanging out to dry and dashing between sheets was a game. The next day the line would be left up so a tent could be set up over it for camping out (day camp). The day after that the tent would come down and become a screen for a play or puppet show. We'd haul out folding chairs for dolls and trapped family members. After the final performance we'd swing and spin around on the monkey bars.

Then there'd be a day of running a library and the neighborhood kids would come and we'd read. Imagine that! Soon there'd be a game of tag or ball to wear us out before dinner. The pool was obviously above ground and a source of much cool fun, as is evidenced above. When the pool wasn't "up" we'd have pet parades and every cat and dog on the block was encouraged to participate.

The garden was the best though. Row after row of carefully tended to plants that yielded beans and lettuce, tomatoes and rhubarb, parsley and probably some stuff I wouldn't eat so don't remember. I do recall weeding and the associated excuses for not being able to do it...not just yet. The excuses failed; the weeds were gone. I was outnumbered by grownups.

Well, thanks for taking this quick trip with me around the back yard. I hope you enjoyed a glimpse of my only-child past. It was a close knit neighborhood where every mom was Mom, every dad was Dad, and every kid was like a brother or sister.

Or at least that's how I remember it.

Harmony's Way to Happiness

Pretty "zen" sounding if I do say so myself. The pooch is outside bringing the big stick to the door as a gift, perhaps a peace offering of some sort, or pre-payment for some mischievous deed she'll perform later in the day.

















There are times when she lives up to her full name - Harmony Victoria. She delights us with occasional sweetness shown to her playmates; certainly when she is serving as "Donation Dog" for APL she fools everyone into thinking she's a stellar ambassador, always on her best behavior. The Victoria is because she is part pit bulldog and is my own nose-thumbing gesture towards vicious Michael Vick, whose own experience with the law took place around the time Harmony arrived at our home.





But today, her name takes on new applications! The State of Illinois has a victory in the governmental systems and a new governor because the systems worked. No doubt there is cheering up and down and across the State. Once again there will be an opportunity for harmonious living and working.


And, that's nothing to shake a stick at.

Precious Dog Hein, June 1993 - December 2008

We know God watches over us but this week we underwent yet another loss, that of Precious Dog Hein. Yes, she was 15 1/2 years old and we knew full and well she felt the loss of Scout a couple months back. They were inseparable from the time they met, day and night, together either in their pen or in the house. They were like an old couple, only dogs. One saw. One heard. They yammered at each other if one was too close to the others bowl. They leaned against each other. They snuggled together all day long in their dog-loo, ignoring the birds, cats, people traffic and younger dogs coming and going in the other fenced in area.

She awoke on the 17th and told us it was time. If you have had a pet you've had to help you know what how they communicate it through their looks. Her head stayed down, her eyes solemnly surrendered. She had no energy, no substantiation to continue.

I like to believe that she gave us these additional two months in our post-Scout world, because she knew us well. It would have been her wish to go with Scout and she was as surprised as we to find she was here and Scout was gone. But she pulled herself together and joined the younger dogs in a frenzy of remembered behaviors that found her going up and down the two stairs on the patio, running a step or two, getting excited when she didn't know what the excitement was all about, and finally just signaling everyone to go ahead without her, she was sleeping this one out.

We did what we could to keep her comfy. No baths, good food, a special place in the kitchen, all fluffed out and right in the midst of foot traffic so she got lots of petting and hugs and acknowledgment. She got kisses from everyone, 2 or 4-legged, who went past her as she rested.

The morning each dog came by and said goodbye to her. I wish they'd been able to do that with Scout, who went in the night, quietly without prelude. But perhaps they were sending their greetings on with Precious. Don't tell me they don't know; they know only too well. They probably know better than we for their lives are less complicated. I suspect their relationship with God is the same - they know, they don't question. They understand death leads to new freedom, new life.

So now, only a couple of days later we have welcomed Lazlo into our home. He's our latest foster. A collar was embedded in his neck but it's been removed and he's healed from that injury entirely. He is quirky and cute and, for now, all boy. That has everyone trying to figure out what's next! But they know he's here to get ready for his own forever earthly home. And, they know when he leaves it will be different from when Precious left.

You DO meet the nicest people.

Zeke and I went to the nursing home. He was soooo good. Then we drove all the way back and across the city to a big box pet store to get him some canned food and a large box of large treats for everyone to share. He met lots of people and maybe his future owners. They were the nicest people and seem very interested in him as a buddy for Moses, their dog. I think they would have taken him right then and there. We'll see. He's darned good. I really had thought he could move to the White House. Hello Barack? It's about a dog for the girls...On the other hand, he's made friends with all the dogs here and Ed hasn't met him yet. To the people who met Zeke and Mr. President - just try and get this dog!

Speaking of the nicest people, a real surprise occurred yesterday when I took the greens orders for the library staff over to them, from APL. Since I was out at the shelter I offered to pick up and drop off the wreaths and door swags. Well, blow me away. I got inside the library office and the director presented me with a book, SAVED. It's about rescued animals, and their rescued people. I was taken aback. It was from the Library's Friends board, of which I'd been president and/or secretary for a number of years. This was totally unexpected. And, they selected something that focuses on my other passion - taking care of living creatures who've not had it too good so far.

Well, home with the crew last night I managed to cry my way through some 50 pages. It took a long time because the print is pretty blurry thru tears.

It's an amazing book. The group is amazingly thoughtful. I am amazingly fortunate.

And, we really shouldn't have anymore dogs. We help those who are homeless and then that opens a space for someone else who needs it. Yes, we did have 6 dogs. Yes, we will lose Precious soon. Yes, the dogs we have adopted are the "hard to place" ones so that complicates matters.

I keep telling myself those things.

Unbroken Circle

We know Scout is running free, bursting through clouds and chasing bunnies. She'd approve of us taking in this little girl. The shelter calls her Stardust but to us she is Tater Tot because she's a Spuds Mackenzie (or General Patton) dog. At about 5 weeks she's already had her near-death experience and is making a remarkable recovery. She loves her medication which is a good thing as she takes it twice a day. Playing with the other critters is rare and supervised. There's lots of sleeping to do. She's loving the outdoors, follows me around till she needs a break, and now has her first collar on, with a leash being added later today when we visit the vet. She is hard to resist and even harder to put down. But we have to so she gets her strength developed!

Scout O'Rama Hein, 1993-2008

It began as an ordinary Saturday, fall, 1995, for DINKs like us - errands and chores. But then it wasn't. We walked into a local store and looked around. Not for anything special, but then, there she was,special. Sitting huddled and frightened. That day we said hello.

We asked about her. This was her last day before being put down at the dog pound. She was only two.

It was early and we had places to go. We said we'd come back at the end of the day and if she wasn't adopted we'd take her. Don't put her aside. Let others look at her.

People of our word, we went back. She was waiting for us. Home we went. And, with the exception of vet visits and a few, out-of-yard running episodes, including the infamous one two years ago that put Ed in a near-death hospital situation, home is where she stayed. Our vet and family cared for her. Our pet sitter fancied her. We loved her and learned about her.

Turns out she wasn't so frightened. She was an investigator and a commentator. Her feet came off the ground when she barked. She was unbending, just plain awkward, when she ran - more like a rocking horse than a Beagle. She was always a happy clown. She made everyone play and smile. She snored freely, as if it was the greatest pleasure that came with laying down. In recent years she was Precious' eyes and encouragement, a role someone else will take up undoubtedly.

It began as an ordinary Saturday, fall, 2008, for retired folks like us - up early for coffee and chores. But then it wasn;t. Today we said goodbye.

Scout is at peace. God has her in His lap.


_________________________

Today, I am told, is the feast day of St. Francis, the saint who acknowledged kinship with all creation, particularly animals and nature. Around the world there are "Blessings of Animals" ceremonies. Here is John Galsworthy's prayer for gentleness to all creatures:

To all the humble beasts there be,
To all the birds on land and sea,
Great Spirit! sweet protection give,
That free and happy they may live!

And to our hearts the rapture bring
Of love for every living thing;
Make of us all one kin, and bless
Our ways with Christ's own gentleness.

CATS CATS and more CATS - You see 'em here first!

There are cats at APL.
They need homes.
http://www.apl-shelter.org

Here are some which will soon appear on the web site but don't wait.
Go see who is there already and waiting for a home.

Here She Is - Brighton, the Foster Pup

Well, isn't she just a doll? We think she is only 7 weeks old. Yes, she does sleep through the night - at least the first night. We put the old dogs in with her to keep her company! There is a squeal that she lets loose when she's wanting attention. Pretty good about going outside for all the right reasons too.

She was dumped.
Left in the country near a storm drain.
We have had record rains.
People who live nearby heard her exercising her lungs after their own dogs notified them that "something is out there".

She's with us for probably 15-20 days and then I hope she gets a great home.

School Has Started

Our team of volunteers went back to school today to begin the SIT STAY READ program. Each of us takes a dog or puppy from the shelter. Once there we spend an hour having 4th graders read to us. We change readers every 12 minutes.

And, we love it.

The students get to interact with a critter. They work on reading skills; the dogs never critter-cize them! The dogs get some socialization.

Our school has many students who have unfortunate home settings. This is one chance for them to have two breathing souls focus only on them.

I mean in a positive way.

One of my readers today is in a foster home because her biological mother beat the crap out of her. She came to school this year and told her teacher, "This year I'm going to be normal."

Let's hope so.

Once a Baby, Now a Boomer

What a sad tale this fellow has but now APL has taken him into the shelter. Nuts as we are, Boomer may come to live his final weeks, months or years out at our house. Hopefully someone who has fewer dogs will benefit from his love but if not, he'll be bunking here with dogs in his own age group - 12-14 years.

Sometimes I question our sanity. But, it is never for long. We have the space. Yes, there is plenty of dust inside and let's not discuss dog hair. Our energy levels are not what we think they are. Dogs bark for attention and we can only hold so many on our laps at one time. I just laugh at the prospects of bringing in #7.

If pets bring laughter into our lives before we even meet them, imagine the joy and love possible when they take ownership of us!

Wherever Boomer takes up residency it is sure to be a better place than where he was. And, he will be loved to the end. For this and for him we are thankful for our choices.

AUGUST 20th update: Boomer has his new home and it is not with us. He and his lady love will spend his remaining years in great comfort together! Celebrate the companionship they are building!

Someone's In The Kitchen With Kate

This has not been the smartest ten day span of my life but it is one of the busiest. Some of our foster dogs have come home to roost while families travel. We had one from Friday a.m. till sometime later today. Up until 8:30 today she was fine. Then she weaseled her way under the back deck, which, BTW, is closed in by lattice. I could not find her secret opening and I could not get her out until I pried off some lattice and dug a ditch for her to get out. She's fine. A little dirtier but fine.

The other two, yes, two, arrived at 6:30 this morning and are staying through Friday afternoon. They're puppies, let's see, 5 months old. One of course is the alpha dog so she will butt heads with our alpha, 14 month old Harmony. God willing, they won't meet. The other has the same shrilling whine as Harmony.

What have I done?

I thought Ed would be doing projects this week so pretty much gone and then tired when at home. But he overdid the work earlier this summer and has been told to take it easy for 10 days, 5 of which remain. He's out riding around looking for errands to run now. I suspect he may go to church and try to do something there, or just pray for my soul!

Actually it is quiet. We have doors and baby gates and a selection of crates. If these critters know what is good for them they will stay quiet and settled down in their respective spaces.

Since I'm home with them all today I decided to bake, early. Have done peach muffins and now I'm finishing the chocolate chip cookies. It may be 90 degrees outside but it's 375 degrees in the kitchen and that's where I am. Guess that tells you something.

No disrespect intended

If you've caught up with other postings you know MomEva is in the nursing home. I really do not mean any disrespect by this but there are some pretty weird and funny things going on regarding her stay there.

First of all, she is copying my dad. Well, probably she is copying every old person who ends up in such a place (and this is a good one). But she has chosen to use his words, declaring today, as he often did, that I could take her home and take care of her. ARGH. Not likely. I could not pick her up, move her around, get her fed. Let's skip the personal stuff.

Next, she has decided her top teeth do not fit anymore. Yesterday she was claiming they were not hers so, of course, the staff was panicky and at the same time hopeful that they were/were not missing. The ones she had in her mouth when I arrived today LOOKED like George Washington's choppers. Upon further inspection, facilitated by her dismissing them from her mouth, I could determine they are indeed, hers. These now reside on the nightstand, perhaps as a warning to anyone who dare cross her - she'll knock their teeth out.

Then came the coercing to go to therapy. God help us, she only has a few days left of getting up and walking with all the assistance. Then it is straight chair time. The kind-hearted therapist sent for her today (I know in her pocket there was a 'short straw') generously offered to let her take a nap upon completion of her exercises. If looks could kill, this poor girl would be on a slab and this posting would be entered by yet another corpse for we both we're given the evil, slaying eye.

All this now being exposed I have to add that historically July 9th has been a good day for me. It started in high school when I had my first date. Miniature golf during the day, if you are asking. I made it my day. Years later I learned it was my never-known-outside-photos grandfather's birthday. aHA. Further justification of it being a good day. So I sought out something remarkably good each July 9th. This year I am still waiting and looking for that. Besides my adventures with Eva I drove thru a yellow turn light on a red straight ahead light make sense?), albeit, successfully. As if that was not enough while behind the wheel I killed a cat charging across the country road.

There are those I know who would tell me to stop while I am ahead and to look no further. However, I felt very rotten about the cat, particularly since my front passenger seat hosted a stack of deliverable Adoption Alerts from APL. Should I have left one at the scene of my crime? This humor is too dark for you? Go ahead, make my day.

Before I came to my own blog I stopped by Shawn's (see doodlegirl link) and then went on to her sister's. It is such fun to tour the country daily, going to visit them and then linking into some of the other people they know. They really know these other people so I am a blog-stalker!

Updates: I never found my Tilley, even after getting a new one. Did the dog eat it? I will be writing a letter to Memorial Medical Center's higher-ups regarding my mother's lost lower dentures "the unresolved situation". I had to throw that in as it gives closure to this entry.

ta-DAH

Fo-toes

See the faces of spring above. It's time to start taking new pictures and here's the first go-around! Some of the old ones, having been stored for months appear new again since they've not been viewed for a while. These are all new. We went to the zoo yesterday to get cheered up.


The bear with the box label - gotta love it. "Human Food" shows up but originally the flap read "Not Human Food". Honestly, do we need to be told that food delivered to a zoo, with an internal address of Bear Den, is not to be consumed by us. Are we that, well, choose one: hungry or stupid.



Bottoms Up!
Age places tricks on all of us and I have fallen victim to not knowing how to coordinate my eye wear and my view finder. YES, I can use the larger viewing panel to format and shoot a shot. However, I'm "old school" - used to a film* camera, just like I'm used to paper** books. All too often the shot I want is modified by the time I take it, if it is of moving objects. Thus, I have some interesting digital images that are memorable to me but no one else because I can remember what was supposed to be in the shot!

* film - comes on a spool, has to be loaded into a camera, removed, processed, and THEN you see the photos
** paper - a means of providing reading material, such as a book, in a format which can be held in your hands, allowing easy flipping back and forward to favorite parts or to see how a book ends before you read to the end.