Going Thru The Change

Today I ate rosemary garlic crackers and wore a new sweater.

I have been shopping. Not just to any place but to one of the "get everything you don't need here" stores. A friend took me mid-week to another town and I spent some money. All right, I splurged.

By yesterday (the morning after, of course) I knew I needed to take some things back. And, buy other stuff while I was at the local store. Thus the sweater AND the crackers mix. I had a MOMENT of guilt that what I had started with was not balanced, not enough about hubby, kids/grandkids, and me.

I got frames that hold multiple photos so I now am commited to printing off photos to make a collage for family members. I got these and other good crackers and the yummy jams someone in the house other than yours truly loves. One could say "She's back!".

Well, I also realize that though this is fun I am a changed person. For one thing, being retired usually has expenditures being thought through and being involved as a volunteer working with dogs and cats - well, they only care that you show up, not whether or not you have mascara on or creases in your jeans. It's comforting to be accepted just as one is. You agree. Deep down you agree.

Yet, there's that side to each of us that wants to make a good impression and gets a boost from something new and feeling good. Sure, we should just feel good when we are good and do good and treat others well. Sure we should appreciate the opportunity to make others feel the same way too. But we also like being told we rock.

So this week this rock rolled over, went through the change and re-visited the side of the past life that put greater emphasis on apppearances. I don't think I'm deceiving anyone. I'm still me. I'm still willing to crawl on my stomach to take a photo of a cat who needs a home. I'm still able to rub the belly of a lonely dog long enough to change the look in its eyes from fearful to thankful. I'm still able to be true to myself.